Welcome back for the second round of 52 Pick-Up.
Wow, last week was a real chipper start to this whole project, huh?
In my defense, I did say these were going to be chosen at random, so there was always the chance I could start with a downer. It's part of the fun (if you will) of leaving this up to chance. You reduce the likelihood of getting into a rut where you're favoring certain titles or genres over others.
I will be doing some slight modifications to the formula going forward – more to come on that next month as I've already slotted out January – but I'm still going to do my best to keep that level of sheer chance at play.
Speaking of which, I did promise you guys lighter last week, and I'd like to think I've delivered this time around. Perhaps not a happy, lively romp, but at least far less emotionally heavy.
So, without further ado, here's Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.
I have to start by asking this – and this is normally something I am loathe to do cause it kind of feels like a cheap way to farm engagement, but here we go. For those of you already familiar with this movie before this article or it being brought up last week – how many of you first learned this movie existed from the Patton Oswalt stand-up album Werewolves and Lollipops?
No real reason for asking beyond being curious to see how much that helped boost this movie to people by making them aware it existed. I'll admit I am part of that camp, and in a way, Patton's not wrong – there is something truly impressive about the fact a movie like this exists in the form that it does.
First, there's the premise – this movie is exactly what it advertises on the tin. No, really. The movie is literally about a bed that eats. Food, objects, people. The bed just absorbs them and eats them. Yes, there's a backstory of the film involving a demon that fell in love with a human and how the bed is a byproduct of their cursed union, but really – odds are if you're seeking this out, that's taking a backseat to the fact you're watching a horror movie about people being eaten by a bed.
Our monster, ladies and gentlemen.
Which you do see happen. Quite a few times within the trim 70~ minute run time.
Part of why this is so impressive to see and realize someone made happen? It takes itself completely seriously. This isn't presented as a comedy or a spoof of shlocky monster movies. It takes its premise dead serious (which, granted, one could choose to take for comedy depending how they define camp) and that adds to its charm, in a weird way. At no point does anyone stop to reflect on how goofy the idea of a killer bed is. No one snarks about how silly this all is. Everyone is invested and, if they think it's ridiculous, they're leaving it behind the scenes.
Which goes to one of the other reasons this movie is memorable (I'd feel weird saying it works, because this is a VERY 'your mileage may vary' experience.) It's a term that feels like it gets overused to describe movies, but Death Bed is one I would say can be described as 'dreamlike' in its execution. The structure (and I promise, there is one) is told over three vignettes, largely only linked by a voiceover narration from the spirit of one of the bed's victims. The narration, as well as the people involved, all played into this feeling – probably best embodied in the case of one man (played by William Russ – incidentally, I should also note that, strictly speaking, this movie doesn't have a protagonist per se, but his character is the brother of the two characters who arguably comes closest) who survives an attack by the bed. Said attack leaves his hands stripped of flesh and reduced just to the bones. There is no excessive blood or writhing pain, instead he watches as his skeletonized hands slowly fall apart before finally asking his sister to break them off rather than let them finish decaying on their own. It's presented as so matter of fact by the man that it feels like dream logic perfectly in tone with the rest of the movie.
"I know I say it every year, but I think this should be
the last time we go to Spirit Halloween."
The same can be said for the actual eating as it's presented. To hear the title, one would not be surprised to envision a bed with a mouth and teeth, actively chomping its victims in a gory display. Not so here – instead the bed is seen to absorb things, usually matched by a visual of foam rising up from the mattress into which the object of its consumption is absorbed or pulled in. From there, the movie cuts to scenes of the object (or person) floating around in the bed's digestive fluids – often just a person submerged in yellow liquid that occasionally gets tinted with blood.
Exhibits A and B
Everything about this is conducted not with an instinct to shock, but with a slow, careful manner that makes the whole thing feel like a weird dream to watch unfold. So much so that a part of me almost wants to dock it some points for the voiceover narration. Taken on its own, it's not bad – it's not like, say, the infamous Blade Runner narration where you can tell just from watching that it was put in at a producer's insistence. In this case, the narration feels like it's part of the intended arc, especially as it plays into the ending. I recognize why it's here and it doesn't feel out of step with the movie. At the same time, a part of me would be interested in seeing an alternate cut where the narration isn't there and the audience is just left to parse out this strange pastiche of dreamlike actions, as in the dark to the past and motives of the bed as its victims are.
Of course, even if such a cut did exist, I'd still know the backstory from having seen the first, so the whole thought exercise is kind of meaningless until someone figures out a way to selectively wipe memory.
Ah well.
In any case, this was a fun one to check off the list. I'm not going to say everyone should see this, because it is definitely NOT a movie everyone's gonna gel with. That said, it's also a movie where you'll probably figure out in the first ten minutes if this is working for you or not. If I had to sum it up in a single phrase, it's 'seeing is believing.' Even beyond its elevator pitch, this is a movie that, if you're curious, I would recommend experiencing at least once just to see how genuinely strange it is in what it is and what it does.
So, one well made, if bleak movie and one enjoyably strange oddity. Not a bad start.
I hope you guys are liking the European start to things, cause we're staying abroad next week. In fact, we're going back to Italy next week (and again, I promise, less bleak) for one that has been on my to do list for years. Hope to see you back here next time for Dario Argento's seminal giallo, The Bird With the Crystal Plumage.
Till then.
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